Here's a fun post where I write a lot of things without really thinking about what I'm writing.

I was not really expecting for things to currently be the way they are. No one really prepares you for life after high school, even though that is pretty much the entire point of high school. Sure, they teach you about literature and geometry, but what about actual things and problems you'll encounter? Honestly, I feel like that should be main goal number one - teach kids how to handle situations they didn't think they'd have to handle but are thrown into when they least expect it.
Teach them how to talk to people. Teach them that it's okay to say something that might hurt someone else's feelings if they absolutely must. Teach them about how to figure out who they are and what they want to do or who they want to be.
Some people are very lucky and they mentally have it all together. They know their major, future career goals, if their relationship is going well, how to express feelings. Yeah, those people..I am not one of them.

I am the type of person who would do anything to appear as though I have it all together. And I typically try to convince people that I am fine when I'm not. I'll say or do anything for other people even if I don't really want to. And the really scary part is that I don't really know how to stop, but I see it happening all the time. I'm very aware of these problems, but I physically cannot stop. I would rather make someone else happy than make myself happy. I always thought that was my strength, my skill. And sure, it could be useful at some point, but at what cost? I am tired. Physically and mentally so so tired. Not that I'd actually let anyone know.

Things could be worse. I always remind myself that, even though my life is an actual definition of crazy, that somehow things could be worse for me.
 Even now, when I am so unsure of everything around me. 


First Week

I have officially survived the craziness of the first week of my first year of college. 
I have to be honest and say that it's not quite as magical or life-changing as the younger version of myself hoped it would be. And I know that it's only beginning of the second week and I need to give it time, but if there is one basic life skill I lack, it is patience. 
And of course I want to enjoy the experience, and in a lot of ways I am, but I feel like I'm at a slight disadvantage. 
I am attending a school that is approximately one mile down the road from the high school I graduated from. I still live in the home I've lived in for years, because tuition is a lot cheaper when you don't actually live at the college. I am still surrounded by a lot of the same people. I still work in a fast-food like place (starbucks = the death of me.) 
So basically every dream young Madalyn had has been thrown right out the window. The highest window. And the ground is on fire. 
In all seriousness, I really thought I'd be like a lot of the other kids around me and move away for college. I am insanely jealous of the people who are states, or even just towns away. Don't get me wrong - I love this university, but it was not my original intention. 
Not living on campus means that I missed a really good opportunity to meet new people around my age. I don't have a roommate, unless you count my grandmothers four dogs. I've spoken to a total of two new people thanks to classes and a campus party.
And, as previously mentioned, I have a job. A job means less free time, which means less time to spend on campus in hopes of meeting people and creating those magic life long friendships I always hear about. 

Maybe I held my college expectation a little too high. I'm sure the people who move away from their homes experience some of the same problems. Everyone else is also being forced to get out of their comfort zones and do new things. And with clubs and activities starting up, I'm sure it will introduce me to new fantastic people. 

I do love the classes I'm taking, and I do love not having classes at 7:30AM. I love that some of the people I graduated high school with also go to school here, so I'm not totally alone. I really can't wait to see what college has to offer. 


It's Not an Easy Story

My story, I mean. It's not an easy one. And it's not really all that fun or exciting for the most part. Most likely, my story, or at least the ones I choose to share aren't really that interesting or important in the grand scheme of things. But they, like me, exist. And I guess that's a pretty cool and interesting thing in itself. I've always enjoyed the thought that there are so many stories and emotions and ideas running around in every persons head. And there are so many people who exist which creates an infinite amount of things that can be shared with others, if that person should choose. One thing about my story specifically, is that I sometimes enjoy writing about it. Not all of it, because that would be tedious and it would be filled with a lot of boring details. But there are some things that are worth putting out there to me. And I guess what this site was, and is still, about for me. It's a place to record the nonstop thought process created by my mind. It's a chance to have someone else read it and maybe take a second and say something in return. It's something that adds to my life. I don't know exactly what the future holds with me and writing. It's been a part of who I am for so long, and it's something I'd like to pursue a little more. I'm about to start a lot of new and exciting things, and I feel like that could give me a chance to really reclaim some of the old hobbies I enjoyed for so long.  I'm about to create so many new stories. And I think it's time I continue to share my experiences in hopes that somewhere along the line someone enjoys them. Even if the only person who ever does is just me a few years later, I'm fine with that.

I started a blog around the time I turned twelve. I called it "Just Another Boring Teenage Blog" because I thought it was funny and had a slightly edgy aura. I was wrong. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. I made friends from places I had never been to. Some of you I still see updates from occasionally.
About a year later I changed the name of the blog to "Maddy's Blog" because that was straightforward and I thought that was the way to go. I was once again, wrong. But I still enjoyed writing about things that were happening around me. It made me feel important. I gained followers and somehow more than one person thought that I was worth paying attention to.
I changed the name of the site one more time. I called it "The Dream Catcher" and the name has stuck ever since then. I don't know where the idea came from, but something about it felt right. And I think it still does. It became a place to rant about the annoyances of middle school, and then high school. It was a place to share my advice and give opinions on different things. I could talk about movies and music and answer questions. It became a full time hobby.
Somewhere along the line I lost the touch. I couldn't really find the words to type anymore. Stories just didn't seem to important. Growing up is hard. I didn't have time, and when I did I lacked energy and inspiration.
It's something I've been finding myself regaining lately. So maybe I'll continue it for awhile. I think I'm finally actually ready to restart. In the end, I'm the only person who will care 100% about this so I might as well give it one more shot.

So, here we go again.

New stories
New thoughts and ideas
New everything



The start of 2016 has been primarily spent on me trying to figure out who I really am and what I want to do. And I'm starting to come to the realization that I assume every other new-adult has had at one point: I have no idea what I'm doing. A few months ago the very idea of that outcome would've terrified me. And it's still not exactly ideal. Of course I would love to have a clear idea of what the next five years of my life will look like. But, I'm starting to understand that no matter where I am in life, I will never be able to predict exactly what's coming next. A year ago today I was a completely different person. If you would've told me any of the things that have happened to me would happen back then, I probably would've laughed. Although my life in general has a tendency to be kind of like one long joke, so I guess that's not really an uncommon thing to happen in the first place. Regardless, looking back at the past few years I've noticed one pattern: there is no pattern. Everything is one long, winding, twisted, loopy mess of a path that I never could have predicted I would take. But I'm happy with where I am. I'm happy with the progress I've made and the choices I've made. And I'm confident that I will figure everything out. Which for me, is becoming good enough.


better than before

For a portion of this last month I spent a great deal of my time feeling very sad for myself. I spent a lot of time blaming myself for the problems that were not entirely my fault, and looking for ways to "fix" myself to be better for others. But let me tell you something:

There is nothing more freeing than accepting that every bad thing is not your fault. You cannot always be to blame when someone decides to walk away. 

And sometimes, even if you don't see it at first, it's a real blessing.

A month ago I thought I was never going to be okay again without you by my side.

Today, I feel like I'm my own person again. So thank you for making me everything I now swear I'll never be again. 



Blog at least twice a month

Journal more often

Practice instruments more often

More water, less soda

Graduate with honors

Continue pushing GSA in a productive way

Make enough money to go on the New Orleans trip

Have a good start to my senior year


Things You Should Know About High School (3)

It's finally hit me that in one month I'll be starting my senior year of high school. In just one week my first of many lasts will begin as I go to my final band camp. I have a year of saying "oh my god this is the last time I'm going to do this" and "ha can you believe you still have another year of that."
But really, by this time next year I'll be awaiting the start of many 'firsts' in my life as a college student. And that's really weird to think about. So instead I'm gonna go back to a type of writing that I was found of, and reminisce on some of the things I've learned in the past three years.

There's no way to do it all
School is filled with so many activities and clubs and sports. Yes, it's important to try something and to do the things that you enjoy. But one important thing I learned as a freshman is that doing it all makes you a very, very tired person. My freshman year I was in GSA, band (marching and concert), concert choir, Speech and Drama, and I took guitar lessons. Let it be known that Speech and Drama had a lot of little sub-groups to join as well and I did like all of them. It was easier to balance that year because I was too young to work and it's not like I could drive so I didn't go out all the time. But I usually had a practice for something everyday, plus competitions and concerts. Add that to homework and trying to keep a social life and you've probably gone crazy. Find the things you love and stick with them, but also care for yourself. 

Stuff Happens
Sometimes you go to homecoming two years in a row with no date. (me). 
And sometimes you get sick on the day of the quiz and you forget to ask the teacher about it and they refuse to let you make it up. And yes, sometimes you will forget that today was the day you run the mile in P.E and you wear a really nice outfit with a little too much makeup to be sweating and you come inside and you can feel your face melting off and it sucks because PE is your second class of the day. (also me.)
But it's okay. 
I don't remember much of what the other kids in my grade did, and I can assure you they don't remember everything about me. I don't remember January 13th, 2014. I bet you can barely remember it either unless it's like your birthday or something. 
So everything will be okay. Just let things go a little bit. 

Kids are total assholes
Sorry, there was really no other way to put that. People can just be plain awful. You can't help everyone. There's always gonna be a group of people that you can't stand and you wanna say something, but sometimes it's better to not. (Unless they're bullying you or others then you politely kick their damn ass.) (again sorry there's just no better way to say that)
There's obnoxious girls, boys, teachers, and everything else. Just do yourself a favor and don't be one of them. 


Sometimes things don't go as you planned
Between your freshman and senior year, a lot of things about you and your life are going to change. Your going to have different thoughts and opinions and you're going to have parts of your personality change. You may think that they won't. And you may promise your friends that no matter what happens you're always gonna be together, but sometimes that just doesn't happen. (trust me on that one)
Sometimes your plans change. And maybe it's for the better. Two years ago I was kinda an ass. If I didn't like you when we first met, I probably never would. I made harsh decisions about people, and I thought that certain things were funny but really they were just mean. But a lot has changed. I don't have the same close friends anymore, and I'm actually friends with a lot of the people I thought I never would like. Because people change, and thank god the people I was with did, because if I was still the way I was I wouldn't have done some of things I never knew I wanted to. I'm more adventurous and accepting. 

Yeah, high school sucks and whatnot, but, you need to embrace all the awful and make your time worth it. I hate to sound all cheesy high school movie like, but you're going to learn a lot about yourself. You're going to change and you're going to watch the people you've known for forever do the same. And then you're going to graduate and move on with your life. That's just the way it goes. So make sure you make it sometime you can look back on and not regret your decisions. 


I Have Learned

I've written several of those "Things You Should Know About High School" posts. And while I still find the things that I said to be true, it never really proved whether or not I learned anything from those things. Let's get one thing straight: High School is definitely as cheesy and cliche as books/movies make it out to be. But it's not all so bad. I'm a junior now, and I started this blog way back in the seventh grade. (Although I am trying to erase all proof that I existed before age 15)
But let me tell you, I've learned quite a bit about myself in that span of time.

1. Everything Works Itself Out
I've spent one too many nights stressing in my sleep over something, only to have it not matter in the slightest by the time the next day rolls around. Yes, your project/paper/homework is fine. If you put in the right amount of time to get it done, it'll be okay. And yes, you're going to argue with people every now and then. We're people. We disagree. If it's serious enough to be that mad over, you're taking yourself too seriously. 

2. Yes, You Look Good
I have spent the last three years of high school worrying about my appearance. I've never taken a no-makeup Monday. Not once. And yes, that is partially due to my low esteem issues, but worrying about impressing people all the time is pretty far up on the list as well. You look just as good as the girl/guy sitting next to you whether you're wearing yoga pants and a hoodie, or a dress. All that matters is that you're comfortable with what you're wearing. Because in ten years, no one will remember what you wore on Tuesday, or if you wore makeup or not one day. It's cheesy, but they'll remember the way that you acted to them and others. 

3. Nothing Is Permanent 
School ends, and you all move on with your life. Some of you will move away, and some of you will end up in the same college sipping Starbucks and talking about the good ole days. The teacher that you couldn't stand will be nothing more than a horror story you tell to others. Your exes? Who really cares. And your friends? You can always hope that you end up in the same place, but if nothing else, you'll be able to stay in contact and continue to support each other. 

4. Do What You Want 
I've always been afraid that if I do something wrong, everyone will hate me. But the truth of it all is, you won't be wrong. If you want to join a team, you join that team. You want to ask that guy out? Do it. The worst they can say is no. You have the power to change the way you're life goes. 

5. You Are Good Enough
This is the hardest one to accept sometimes. I went through so much of my life afraid to open my mouth, because I was afraid. I always worried that people would reject what I was saying, or that maybe I was annoying them, or maybe I was just too much of a bother. The amount of missed friendships and relationships I've had is amazing. (Here comes the cheesy saying) You are the only 'you' in this world. You are unique, and you are good enough. No, he/she is not out of your league. No, they probably don't hate you. You're opinion does matter. I still have trouble believing people when they tell me things they like about me. I've never been able to fully accept a compliment, because I've always felt like the person giving it felt like they were forced to say something nice. But they weren't. When you're friends says you look nice, she means it. When the person in the hall says they like your shoes, they mean it. And when your boyfriend/girlfriend tell you that you're the best, by God, they better mean it. 

Be unapologetically you. 



Hey there.
If anyone is actually reading this, which would be surprising, then they'd know that it's been well over a year since I've done anything on this blog. This is due to a lot of things. Lack of time, lack of commitment, and just forgetting my login info like an idiot.
I also found several other websites that sparked my interest and stole my time.
I was going through some old Facebook pictures of mine, when i saw a screenshot of an old post I made, and I thought about all the stuff I had written and everything I had said, and then I typed the old URL into my search bar and stalked my old self. And it reminded me of how different things were then. And how much I enjoyed being part of the blogger world. No, I wasn't particularly successful, but I had a small handful of people who would read and comment, and I can't help but miss that.
So I spent a big portion of my time looking through all my old emails and passwords, and I finally found the right one to get on here.
What exactly does that mean?
I'm not sure.
Why make promises that I can't keep and say I'll write all the time? All I currently know is that I want to start again. It's like a journey. I can go back and look at who I was and what I thought years ago. Which is pretty cool, and a little awful because I refuse to believe I existed before the age of 15. But the thought still counts. Three years from now I can look through here and remember.
So let's just see what happens.


Let us all still be thankful tomorrow.

With today being Thanksgiving and all, I thought it would be the perfect time to do the yearly "thankful for" post. There's a lot of things in this world, some big, some small, some that don't even seem like things to be thankful for, but they are. So I thought I'd share them all with you.

001. The way your favorite food tastes after not having it in quite some time.
002. When cats purr really loud.
003. Internet connections
004. Music that just gets you
005. Seeing a new movie for the first time.
006. When someone says something and you just know you and your best friend are thinking the exact same thing, and you have a mental connection for .003 seconds
007. Birthdays
008. Watching people greet their friends in public when they didn't know their friend would be there.
009. Books
010. Those moments when you've stayed up so late that you're not even tired anymore.
011. When you remember what you're looking for
012. Half days of school.
013. typing with different formats 
014. Finding out you have things in common with other people.
015. friends
016. That even though I complain about living here all the time, I live in a town where there's pretty good acceptance of all people no matter who they are. Not to say that we don't have problems, but we could have it so much worse. 
017. Understanding a geometry problem for once.
018. Teachers who don't assign textbooks.
019. When your nails match the whole overall look of your outfit. 
020. Clothes. Shoes. Purses. Did I already say shoes?
021. When you make someone laugh so hard they cry, or someone does it to you.
022. Watching your family interact with each other 
023. When you're at church and the pastor says something that hits you right in the heart because what he's said is beautiful and true.
024. Playing board games with friends and family. 
025. When animals know you're upset and just kinda lick your face and sit there with cute eyes.
026. Seeing someone instantly become happier when you compliment them, and the overall feeling of being complemented. 
027. When your friends parents basically become your other set of parents.
028. Keeping in touch with people in your life whether they moved away, or you met them online, or you just don't see them that often.
029. Having phone conversations with your friends for hours even though you see each other all the time and have nothing really substantial to say.
030. When people appreciate your opinions and things that you have to say.